Note:- Last time I accidentally posted this on the jan page oops
Dear Diary,
Been a while. I've just been busy. A lot of nonsensical work, awful sleep past few nights, a lot of thinking and laziness. My bad. I wanted to write sooner but something keeps coming up and things have been super annoying. I've been frustrated and angry. My brain is not working right now so if I am just leaving a lot of crap on here I'm sorry. I had a terrible cycling session. I did enough, but felt unsatisfied. Just didn't feel it today. I started watching The Office yesterday because I've never watched it and decided now was the perfect time. What the fuck was the second episode.It left me perplexed because it was very unexpected. I should shut up about it because if you've never watched it how will you know what I'm yapping about, right? Anyways, I've been unwell but fortunately, no bad fever dreams. I once had a fever dream of falling into Jupiter and it was the worst. I couldn't sleep properly at all that night and felt awful the rest of the day. And guess what? I had a funny little exam that day and I did terrible in that which was lovely. I had to wear a mask because my nose was runny and all of this for some goddamn reason seems to always happen during exams. Probably because I stay up a bit during them, and that is probably the cause for it. Bad sleep. My mother loves to tell me to either to wake up early and study early in the morning or study late at night and wake up a bit late. Wow thanks mother. I have a lot of choice in that. I should really be studying right now tho, like, really. But I have to do this, I feel better after doing this. I feel happier. Isn't that just great? I feel like such a prick right now but I'll keep this going for my sake. What does putting this out here even mean? If anyone's reading, does this feel like someone just puked all over their screen? Don't tell me. Don't. I know what you're going to say. And again for my sake, let's just pretend that it doesn't.
I've been thinking a lot about causality and it just makes me sad. I gained nothing.
What would I even be doing in life if I didn't have ways like this to keep me contained? I'd keep thinking and thinking and would eventually burn myself out. I've been thinking so much for a long time now and before, they used to be everyday thoughts and now it's just, "What will fulfill me?", "What is my purpose?", "Am I true to my morals?" etc etc I think I've been a bit too serious and hey, maybe that's a good thing but idk. It does get tiring sometimes. Maybe it happens because I am lonely/nothing to do/bored? I guess. I am confusing myself right now. Sorry, this must be so awful to read. The two skulls at the top is how I'm feeling right now. I guess I'll stop for now. Laters.
